Laws, sayings, proverbs, maxims, anecdotes:


  1. Hungarian sayings:

       -         God does not punish with cane, but with small tricks.

-         The strongest dog fucks.

-         The brushwood does not rustle if there is no wind.

-         Old is not the aged but who loses his/her purposes to live.

-         The way you treat animals is the mirror of your soul.

-         Sacks are recognized by their patches, humans by their friends.

-         Whoever gets mixed up in bran will be eaten up by swines.  


-    Every good Hungarian peasant starts the day with a kupica (pony) of  pálinka (strong liquor).

2.   Wisdom of people who stand above me:

             -    First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
               (Mahatma Gandhi) - (My remark: Gandhiji, you are really GREAT!)

                  -    Labour is meant for stupid ones, wise people create. (Béni Ferenczy, world famous Hungarian sculptor)

                  -    Do not take yourself too seriously. ( Zorán  Sztevanovity, Hungarian musician of Serbish origin)

-    To write means to sit in judgement of yourself. (Ferenc Kállay, Hungarian actor)

-         It is easy for an impotent to be loyal. (Ferenc Kállay, Hungarian actor)

-         Whoever joins swines will eat bran or starve to death. (László Feleki)

-         Sun is seen from every roof. (János Pilinszky, Hungarian poet)  

-    The human race is getting more and more wild, animals look at them with tender fear. (Very rough translation of two lines of MihályVáci, Hungarian poet)

-    Only after the last tree has been cut down; Only after the last fish has been caught; Only after the last river has been poisoned; Only then will you realize that money cannot be eaten. (Cree Indian Prophecy)

-    He Who Loves A Pure Heart And Whose Speech Is Gracious Will Have The King For His Friend. (unknown for me)

-    What a child learns about violence a child learns for life. (source unknown)

-    "Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel". "El patriotismo es el último refugio del canalla" - Dr. Samuel Johnson 

Added on 19.05.04:

-     Nothing is more annoying than a low man raised to a high position. (? - might be said about Bush)

-     No one can be a good officer who does not undergo more than those he commands. (Cyrus)

-     Men think highly of those who rise rapidly in the world; whereas nothing rises quicker than dust, straw, and feathers. (Hare)

-     No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent. (Lincoln) - What do you say, Bush?

-     The gentleman understands what is right; the inferior man understands what is profitable.( Confucius)

-     The gentleman makes demands on himself; the inferior man makes demands on others. (Confucius)

-     Two heads are better than one. (English proverb)

-     Humanitarianism consists in never sacrificing a human being to a purpose. (A. Schweitzer)

-     I believe the first test of a truly great man is his humility (J. Ruskin)

-     To handle yourself , use your head; to handle others, use your heart. (?)

-     Some people have a perfect genius for doing nothing, and doing it assiduously. (Halliburton)

-     He is not only idle who does nothing, but he is idle who might be better employed. (Socrates)

-     I am not ashamed to confess that I am ignorant of what I do not know. (Cicero)

-     Imagination is more important than knowledge. (A. Einstein)

-     He who imitates what is evil always goes beyond the example that is set; on the contrary, he who imitates what is good always falls short. (Guicciardini) - Torture?!

-     The injury we do and the one we suffer are not weighed in the same scale. (Aesop)

-     Innocence finds not near so much protection as guilt. (La Rouchefoucauld)

-     No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness. (Aristotle)

-     Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule. (Nietzsche)

-     An idle brain - the devil's workshop. (?)

-     Judges are but men, and are swayed like other men by vehement prejudices. This is corruption in reality, give it whatever other name you please. (David Duddly Field)

-     It ain't the things you don't know what gets you into trouble; it's the things you know for sure what ain't so. (Negro saying)

-     Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be. (Hazlitt)

-     Does man differ from other animals? Only in Posture. The rest are bent, but he is a wild beast who walks upright. (Philemon)

-     Important principles may and must be flexible. (Lincoln) !!!!!

-     It is more dangerous that even a guilty person should be punished without the forms of law than that he escape. (Jefferson)

-     One man meets an infamous punishment for that crime which confers a diadem upon another. (Juvenal)

-     You can't expect a person to see eye to eye with you when you are looking down on him. (?) !!!!!

-     To know what is right and not to do is the worst cowardice. (Confucius)

-     A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. (?)

-     Art is I; science is we. (C. Bernard)

-     Zeal is very blind or badly regulated, when it encroaches upon the rights of other. (P. Guesnel)

Added on 26.09.06:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
-- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be  dangerous to offer me the position.
-- Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
-- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon .
Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
< BR>The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Quotations about honesty

      The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Arthur C. Clarke

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?

Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
Don Marquis

The day is for honest men, the night for thieves.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
Kin Hubbard

If the truth doesn't save us, what does that say about us?
Lois McMaster Bujold

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

When in doubt, tell the truth.
Mark Twain

Level with your child by being honest. Nobody spots a phony quicker than a child.
Mary MacCracken

When something that honest is said it usually needs a few minutes of silence to dissipate.
Pamela Ribon


      3.      (I believe my) „wisdom”:

            -     If someone casts stone at you, throw thunderbolts at him.

-     Heroes do not die in wars, but suffer stroke in marriage.

-     Wisdom is the greatest force.

                              -     Do not expect a saint to be champion of sex.

                  -     Show me your toilet (W.C.) and I’ll know who you are.

                        -     Alcohol is the salt of life.  

                  -     Intelligence and  modesty are good brothers.

                              -     Politeness is a mirror of wisdom.

                  -     Even the most brutal oppressor calls himself saviour (and the most stupid ones tend to believe they are, as does Bush).

                              -     Time is money, money distorts characters: never try to save time.

                              -     If you believe you are absolutely right, you are absolutely wrong.

                              -     To be loved when your love died away is like chewing sand.

                              -     Politicians are sick of power, they must be controlled by psychologists.

                              -     Jealousy is the engine of development.

                  -     National flags, anthems, insignia, marches disseminate hatred. The human race should get rid of all this rubbish.

                           We shall never be able to avoid wars unless we remove them from the national pantheons.

-         Politicians are unable to think and behave as human beings.

-         If your head swims, drink, you’ll forget about the original cause.

-         If the well of your neighbour is deeper and cleaner than yours, do not jump into it, you may be drowned.

-         Even the most „righteous” victories are temporary. (My warning to Bush.)

-         European Union is definitely a bigger and cleaner dung-pit, than our chamber-pot, I hope there will be space at least to swim. In our pot 4 pcs of shit try to swim in 8 directions and they are surprised that all their attempts are finished in running their heads against the wall. (The comparison is with Hungary.)

-         Every death of  poverty-stricken human beings is the shame of the whole human race!

-     The sight of lay persons is dim. Politicians - since they suffer from multiple non-professionalism - are blind.

-     Time and hair heal all wounds.

-     Masses are stupid, but still wiser than their leaders.

-    Democracy never existed. What we call democracy is a failure: it is based on the votes of stupid masses. Fighting for these stupid masses the even more stupid leaders - as a rule - commit stupidities.

-    Of all ugly human institutions the worst is wife.

-    Of all lovely human institutions the best is child.

-    Translate the Hungarian szerelem with one word into your language and you'll understand life.

-    Humiliation of a dictator is a brave step, humiliation of a nation is stupid, humiliation of a race is heinous crime.

-    The USA is emerging nation - emerging from the status of a simple gendarme of the world to the throne of rude oppressors.

-    Uniform is the best tool to convert human beings into animals.

-    It is better to spend your time in a pub than to sit on your wife's skirt.

-    Economic and political systems may change, stupidity and scoundrelism remain everlasting.

-    Standing ovation is the best sign that a crazy dictator is the orator.

-    He/she who is living on this Earth and believes he/she is sane, is insane!

-    Absurd barriers generate absurd behaviour.

-    Mojito, ergo sum!

-    Hungarian Tokaji,  Russian vodka and Czech beer could not be spoilt even by communism

      4.   Anecdotes (If I know the source I indicate it in brackets) :

-  „A small grey sparrow is walking proudly in the dust of the street. A cow,    looking down at her, drops her dung on the sparrow. The little one is not feeling well under the dung and is trying to climb out.

A cat notices the strangely moving dung, is trying to find out what is under it, pulls the sparrow out and eats her up happily.

What are the lessons?

a.      If you are a small grey sparrow and dung is dropped on you, better keep quiet.

b.      The one who pulls you out of dung is not necessarily your friend.

c.      The one who drops dung on you is not necessarily your enemy.


                                 I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 

                         "Hi, how are you?" 

                           I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restrooms at a rest stop but, I don't know

                           what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassedly: 

                           "Doin Just Fine!" - And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

                            What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too

                            bizarre so I say: "Uhhh I'm like you, just traveling east!" 

                            At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear

                            another question. - " Can I come over to your place after while?" 

                            OK, this question is just wacky but I figured I could just be polite

                             and end the conversation. - I tell him, "Well, I have company over

                             so today is a bad day for me!" 

                            Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an

                  idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions". 

                  Well so much for cell phones!!!

         Momma Joke


         I really hate that   


         Women's jokes about sex:


    "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
    -- Robin Williams

    "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
    -- Roseanne

    "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
    -- Billy Crystal

    "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
    -- Robert DE Niro

    "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
    -- Dustin Hoffman

    "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
    -- Jerry Seinfeld

    "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
    -- Rod Stewart

    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
    -- Robin Williams

    Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
    -- Sharon Stone

    "My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
    -- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

    "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
    -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

    "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
    -- Tiger Woods

    "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
    -- Jack Nicholson

    "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
    - Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

    4.   And much more:

             Murphy's Laws

            Dumb Laws

            Good Quotes

            Starting Page / Quotations 



            The Quotations Page


            Love Quotes

            Love Quotes2

            Quote 'R' Us



            Utopian Philosophy

            Arab Proverbs (from Syria)

            Cute Quotes

            Jokaroo's quotes about marital life

           "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
           "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
           "Ah, yes, divorce...from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
             genitals through his wallet."
           "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people
             remembering the same thing."
           "When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one
             that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
           "I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to
             instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment."
           "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat
             in Europe."
           "Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the
             hope of pulling out an eel."
           "I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like
             and give her a house."
           "I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to
             whom it may concern."
           "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."


           The 10 Mistakes Most Men Make with Women


    "The Ten Most Dangerous
    Mistakes YOU Probably
    Make With Women--
    And What To Do About It..."

    Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women--And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...

    MISTAKE #1: Being
    Too Much Of A "Nice Guy"

          Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys?

          Of course you have.

          Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.

         What's going on here?

          It's actually very simple...

          Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

          And guess what?

          Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.

         And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.

          I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.

         Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

    MISTAKE #2: Trying To
    "Convince Her To Like You

          What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested?

          Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.


          Never, ever, EVER.

          You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".

          Think about it.

          If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?

          But we all do it.

          When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.

          Bad idea. One that will never work.

    MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her
    For Approval Or Permission

          In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".

          Another HORRIBLE idea.

          Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.

          Don't get me wrong here.

         You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.

         But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.

          You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.

         Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

    MISTAKE #4: Trying To "Buy" Her Affection With Food And Gifts

          How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?

          If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.

          Well guess what?

          It's only NATURAL when this happens...

          That's right, I said NATURAL.

          When you do these things, you send a clear message:

    "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".

          Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

    MISTAKE #5: Sharing
    "How You Feel" Too Early In
    The Relationship With Her

          Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.

          Attractive women are rare.

          And they get a LOT of attention from men.

          Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.

          An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.

          And guess what?

          Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.

          That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.

          They know what to expect.

          And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.

          This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.

          Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.

          There's a much better way...

    MISTAKE #6: Not "Getting" How Attraction Works For Women

          Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.

          You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

          When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.

          But does the same apply for women?

          Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?

          Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.

          Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?

          Think about it.

          Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.

          If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

          But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.

          And ANY guy can learn how...

    MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It
    Takes Money And Looks

          One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.

          And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.

          But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.

         There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...

          And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.

         YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.

         Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

    MISTAKE #8: Giving Away
    All Of Your Power To Women

          Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.

          Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.

         Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.

          Another bad idea...

          Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!

    MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing
    EXACTLY What To Do In Each
    Type Of Situation With Women

          Now I'm going to blow your mind...

          A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.

         Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.

          I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.

          And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!

          And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...

          Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.

          If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.

         And you KNOW it.

          It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

    MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP

          This is the biggest mistake of all.

          This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.

          I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

          Hey, I've been there myself.

          Let me tell you a little about me and how I figured out how to be successful with women...

         About five years ago I became fed up with the fact that I didn't know how to approach, meet, and get dates with women that I was attracted to.

          It frustrated the hell out of me.

          One night I was out with a friend, and I saw a woman I wanted to ask out, but I just couldn't get up the nerve to do it. I can still remember that night... right on the spot I made the decision to do whatever it took to learn how to be successful with women and dating.

          Well, after a lot of hard work and trying all kinds of crazy things, I finally figured it all out.

         I can now approach just about any woman and get her number almost instantly. I've dated models, I've dated actresses, and I've dated nice, normal, regular girls as well.

          It has been a very rewarding experience. I no longer feel that sick, insecure feeling... like I don't know how to meet women... and I might wind up alone.

          I know that anytime, anywhere, I can go out and meet attractive women.

          I've written a book on the topic, and I've done seminars on both coasts of the United States... and taught tens of thousands of men all around the world.

    I Now Have A FREE, Three-Times-
    A-Week Email Newsletter...

          ...But the REALLY GREAT news is that I now publish a free email newsletter three times a week that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.

          And I'd like to invite you to sign up.

         It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

          Of course, it even get's better than that...

          In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.

          It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.

          To sign up for my free three-times-a-week newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

      Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook  

    Oh, And One More Thing...

        In this day and age of "instant gratification", I realize that this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you rich by next week.

          Well, that's not the case.

          I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy writing this eBook. I wanted to design and create a program that ANY guy could easily understand and start using IMMEDIATELY to meet and date more women... without having to lie, do dishonest things, or be "manipulative".

          I now believe that ANY man can be more successful with women and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from guys who are using this program to meet and date wonderful women.

         I know, I know... an ebook that can teach a regular guy how to be more successful in the dating world? No way.

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English (I hope mine is a little bit better):

Bucharest, Hotel :

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please no to read notis. 

Japanese Elevator: 

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Leipzig, Elevator: 

Do not enter the lift backward, and only when lit up. 

Belgrade, Elevator: 

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. 

Paris, Hotel: 

Please leave your values at the front desk.

Athens, Hotel: 

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of  9 and 11 a.m. daily. 

Yugoslavia, Hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Japan, Hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Russia, Hotel:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursdays.

Bangkok, Temple: 

It is forbidden to enter a woman even if a foreigner if dressed as a man. 

Tokyo, Bar: 

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

Denmark, Airport: 

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Moscow, Hotel: 

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. 

Norway, Bar: 

Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar.

Budapest, Zoo: 

Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. 

Rome, Doctor surgery: 

Specialist in women and other diseases. 

Japan, Hotel : 

Cooles and Heates. If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. 

Tokyo, Car Rental: 

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Majorca, Shop: 

English well talking. 

Austria, Hotel: 

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascensions.

Switzerland, Restaurant menu: 

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. 

Poland, Restaurant menu: 

Salad a firm's own make.
Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger.
Roasted duck let loose.
Beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. 

Hong Kong, Tailor: 

Ladies may have a fit upstairs. 

Bangkok, Dry cleaners: 

Drop your trousers here for best results. 

Paris, Clothes hire:

Dresses for street walking. 

Rhodes, Clothes shop: 

Order your summers suits. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Russia, Tourist ofice: 

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. 

Germany, Campsite: 

It is strictly forbidden on our black fores camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. 

Zurich, Hotel: 

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. 

Hong Kong, Dentist: 

Teeth extracted by the latest methodist. 

Rome, Laundry: 

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. 

Prague, Tourist Office: 

Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages. 

Thailand, Donkey hire: 

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

Switzerland, Cafe: 

Special Today: no ice cream. 

Tokyo, Hotel: 

In case of earthquake, use the torch to pass yourself out. 

Greece, Hotel: 

Please abuse the manageress only between 11:00 and 12:00. 

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:


In a Laundromat: 


In a London department store: 


In an office: 


In an office: 


Outside a secondhand shop: 


Notice in health food shop window: 


Spotted in a safari park: 


Seen during a conference: 


Notice in a field: 


Message on a leaflet: 


On a repair shop door: 



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